He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
