he puts the penis in happiness.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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