Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
