1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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