yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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