I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
