he was CRYING into my vagina
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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