so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
