Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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