There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
