he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
