im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
