McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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