Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
