i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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