At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
