saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
