so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
