and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
