he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
