My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
