So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
