Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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