My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
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