you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
