I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
We left an ass print on the piano.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
