Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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