I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
