Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
