i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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