I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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