I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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