I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
