Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
