he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
