I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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