Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
do herpes really smell.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Randomize
