He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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