Don't you send me to vm
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
