So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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