theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Sorry about my life...
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
