i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
