im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
