Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
