I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
