it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
