thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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