he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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