I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
