his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
