Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
