Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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