i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
