I didn't shave. On purpose
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Randomize
