I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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