youre lurking in front of me
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
